Category: Spoofs

Truth Of Tiberium (SPOOF ARTICLE)

I could not help but think about tiberium. Is is a money giving green crystal (or blue in some cases..) that has a huge fanbase (NOD) and purple alien cos-players (Scirin). A really nasty side effect of Tiberium

But after typing that heres the questions..

MONEY GIVING?

HUGE FANBASE?

Could it be…

TIBERIUM is actually..  A DRUG! A future daughter of Crystal meth to be precise. The Facts are all leading to the one fact. In fact observe the effects of overdosing

Okay let us list the similarities.

Exhibit 1 – Shows extensive limb loss and lower body mutation, note the disconfigured face and the distinctive green of the Tiberium almost everywhere over his/hers body, Highly Disturbing.

Exhibit 2 – Extreme facial injury most likely self inflicted. White bulge.. Oh wait just a Band Aid.. Still weird. BUT IT IS IN THE SAME PLACE OF A WHITE PATCH ON EXHIBIT 1! The ressemblance is uncanny and most likely linked.  You can’t see it but her arms and legs have probibly fallen off but was more gory than Exhibit 1.

Well okay the similarities may not be so extensive in number but certainly do share some disturbing traits :O. So maybe the fans (Nod) and the cos-players have their minds twisted and turned to the addiction of this evil material. The Busters (GDI) are striving to rid of this evil stuff.

Now onto the actual material..

Exhibit 3

Exhibit 3

Exhibit 4

Exhibit 4

Obviously the similarities are SO SHOCKING SIMILAR.. Well for one.. THEY ARE BOTH CRYSTAL-TRANSPARENT-PRETTY-SHINT-NICE looking but are both -LIFE-ENDANGERING-NOT-SO-NICE. Again the sames and the differents.

Exhibit 3 – green, big, clunky and above all very dangerious when stood upon as told to us by Command and Conquer 3, just try send a Riflemen squad there and watch them suffer T.T. (may the poor testers rest in piece.)

Exhibit 4 – white, marble like, damn its white, pale, bad for you kids. Really what can be said about this god awful stuff apart from IT SHOULD DISSEPEAR FOREVEAHHHH. Word.

Notice how both share the extensive similar physical appearence only colour differences and size. Maybe over years the crystal developed due to human study or even worse.. GROWING FROM HUMANS OH MY GOD. So many theories can be established from this but are too many to list here. Tiberium can be addicting, Crystal Meth can be addicting. If one was to be hooked then the results would be catastrophic so luckily this dastardly material has not spread throughout the world.

Now onto the prospect of money giving, true if harvested this evil substance can provide a steady income of money that pulls up to highly disturbing numbers.. Now exactly how much can be earned by selling even just a gram of this substance? The question brings another, “Who is buying it” and then another “what is done with it?” then things start to become more clearer.

Substance harvested by harvesters then taken to refinery to make it a useable to the local populace

Substance sold to intrested buyers who in turn sell too the populace

People buy, people start losing limbs and minds start breaking down

Chaos erupts.

This weapon may not be as damaging as a nuclear bomb, or as deadly as a zombie virus but it sure as hell can do more damage than the swine flu. So luckily the goverment has no such knowledge of the power possesed by this substance..

SOO

As proven by the exhibits and points written the similarities are countless and are so painstakenly obvious. If we don’t stop Crystal Meth now then god knows what will happen.. Maybe the kind folks at EA were trying to relay a message to us with C&C..

So kind folks heed to this message and do not go near that stuff cos who knows.. You might find yourself looking down on a huge chunk of Green Rock realising it is your nose..